If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. Hare Krishna. A photograph of the. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. JavaScript is disabled. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. Read digital editions of Vanitha, Weekly and more Last Updated Wednesday November 25 2020 03:54 PM IST. I am sorry for your loss. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. Is 'Leela' an appropriate tamil brahmin name for a baby girl ? Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? There are no set customs prohibiting working during the period of mourning, so returning to work is often an individual decision. It's up to you. Your sister was a beautiful person. During the initial communication with the family or familys representative, the details surrounding the funeral, burial and memorial service may be obtained. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. 6. 6. The dos as well as the donts are important. Amen. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. Visitors are expected to bring fruit. This link will open in a new window. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Service animals are allowed. Please Click Here on how you can do that. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. Unexpected death, especially of the violent type can result in an emotionally supercharged situation, requiring us to tread very carefully to avoid offending anyone. When some one dies his/her jeevan will remain for ten days from the day of death at the place where aparakarmas are being performed. Hindu Funeral Rites and Death Rituals | Funeral Partners Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. Hindu Funeral & Death Rituals: A Complete Guide - Memorial Planning The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Hare Krishna. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. Seeing other friends and family members at the service may prompt conversations and shared stories about the deceased, lengthening the time of the visit. For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. India Today Web Desk, I. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. Financial and logistics assistancewhere acceptable and appropriatecan be a big relief. (n.d.). Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. Sympathy & Funeral Etiquette for Different Religions - Petal Talk Simple condolences are universally acceptable. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. The choice of clothing should be made to show respect for the deceased and those grieving. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Some people are able to manage the delivery of a eulogy with aplomb; others can't even bear to think about doing so. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. Hare Krishna. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. Everyone one of us was inspired simply by knowing Avindash. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. This depends on personal preferences. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. Appropriate Sympathy Gifts and Condolences in Different Religions Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. Post Funeral. E-mail shouldn't replace a handwritten condolence note, but it's a nice way to let your coworker that you're there for her. All Rights Reserved. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. All Rights Reserved. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. The coffin is generally open, and guests are expected to look upon the body and be seated in the room for the service, which is conducted by a priest or a senior member of the family. 14. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. Hare Krishna. There is a Mukhagni ceremony where the family is given one last look at the deceased. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. If you are a casual friend or extended friend: Send an email or text immediately and follow up after the. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. Complete Guide to Hindu Funerals - TFS Funeral Flowers Singapore or the universal soul. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. 4. Gifts of Condolence | eCondolence.com Divorced parents should include it in their holiday visitation schedule, especially if they get the day off of work or their child gets the day off of school.. Keep in mind that this can be a particularly important holiday for military families because it honors individuals . The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. Although Hindus take solace in their belief in reincarnation and liberation, they still experience grief. Atma is beyond space and time. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. They cannot visit the family shrine and are not allowed to enter any sacred place, such as a temple. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. 12. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Women need to dress conservatively with knees and arms covered. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after offering condolences. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. May Lord Krishna grant you strength. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. It's appropriate to visit the family at their home after their period of mourning, which typically lasts 10 days. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. Sharma, A. If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. Those who are close to the grieving family can gently make sure that they dont miss their meals. This period usually lasts for 10 days. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. The rituals will reflect a time of service and mourning, showing the familys dedication to Hindu teachings, beliefs about death, and honoring the memory of the deceased. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. Surely, a card or note to the mother would be welcomed as well. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. When someone you know has experienced the death, it's a natural impulse to want to reach out and offer sympathy, condolences, and support. This link will open in a new window. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. Where would it be held? This forum contains old posts that have been closed. It may not display this or other websites correctly. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Here is Decide upon the best way to get the word out to friends and relatives about the service. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? Thanks. Sometimes, it is just for the family. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. In any context, bad manners are those that make other people uncomfortable. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. Hindu Rituals for Death and Grief - Beliefnet On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. The family primarily staying in the family home during this time. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. Drop her a note periodically, or even an e-mail, to let her know you're thinking of her. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. Hindu Funeral Traditions | A Good Goodbye Serve his or her favorite foods. Bereavement Questions and Answers Emily Post As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer. 9. Following their bathing, they will clean the house, as it is a Hindu belief that when someone dies, their home and its inhabitants are left unclean and impure. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. Blaming the family for not doing enough. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. Hindu Funeral Customs and Rituals - Legacy.com Be sensitive to the level of help your friend is asking for. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him.
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